My Adult Yarn

It's been3 monthssince I last saw my partner of almost 4 years. It was my fault that we separated. You see, I cheated on her. I was drunk but still, it was no excuse for my actions. The last time I saw her, she said that we should be friends.

Friends.

I hate that word.

I sit by the pool and start thinking about Carrie. Has she really stopped loving me? I was told that she is dating someone. Someone that is a man. Has she gone back to men completely? It hurts to think that.

I dialled my best friend and started talking to her Carrie.

"Sarah, everyone knows Carrie is still in love with you. You just haven't shown her that she can trust you and YOU still love her." Alice said "Talk to her"

"I'm scared she might reject me" I said, hugging a pillow

"It's a possibility but you two haven't really talked about this. She thinks you stopped loving her"

"But I didn't!"

"Then show her" Alice said and we both said our goodbyes.

My best friend, Alice was right. I need to make a move. I dialled a florist and ordered white and yellow roses. Her favorite. I then called Hotel Chocolatier and ordered her favorite truffles and instructed them to send it to Carrie's place.

Two days later, I received an email from Carrie thanking me for the gifts. I replied asking for us to meet and talk. I waited for her response. Nothing.

It's been a week and I have not gotten a response. So i decided to call her instead it went to her voicemail. I hung up. Why am I getting the feeling she doesn't want to talk or see me?

I walked to asushi place to order my dinner and in the corner of my eye, I saw Carrie. I wanted to approach her but seeing her gave me great feeling of guilt and pain. Carrie then turned and saw me looking at her. I smiled and waved. She waved back and left. I went after her.

"Carrie!"

Carrie walked faster and I ran to catch up to her.

"Carrie wait please"

I looked at her and saw tears falling down her cheeks. There was so much pain and anger in her eyes. It hurts that I caused that. I want to take it all away and make it alright. I moved myhand to wipe her tears awaybut she stopped me.

"Don't" she said.

"We need to talk" I said

"We don't" Carrie said and walked away.

I stood there feeling so helpless. All i wanted was to hold her, kiss her and make her feel alright. But I couldn't.

How can i make her talk to me? I went to check email and saw some email an email specialising in Adult Dating. I almost deleted it till I saw my best friends name in it. I re-read the email again.

"Dear Ms. Sarah,

We are an online Adult dating service where we match you with a potential partner for life. Your friend Alice Summers has referred you to us and has provided us information on your preference. Based on our adult dating service program, you have a match.

You will be meeting your match on Nov 5 at the Prince Andrew Restaurant. All you have to do is ask for Table 10.

All expenses has been paid.

This could be your chance to meet your potential lifepartner.

From

Adult Dating Service Team"

What an odd email. I decided to call Alice.

"Hey Alice, i got an email from this adult date thingy. I am not interested unless it's Carrie but obviously not gonna happen."

"But it's all been paid for! Come on just go. Carrie is seeing someone else. Maybe you should start to date other people as well" Alice said

"I'm not giving up on us Alice! I still love her" I said

"I not asking you to give up on her. Look, it's just a silly blind date and I only did it to cheer you up. Besides, just think of it as dinner not date."

"Geez, I don't know, Al"

"There's nothing wrong about seeing other people. You're single. Obviously not ready yet but this could give you a better perspective on your relationship with Carrie. Just do it for me! Please? Just this once?" Alice pleaded.

I thought she sounded a bit odd. It's like she's forcing me rather than reasoning with me.

"OK fine, I'll go. It's free dinner anyway" I hung up and said goodbye.

I checked the details and it was 2 days away. Ironically, November 5 is Carrie's and my anniversary. Prince Andrew is where I took her on our first date. That is just great!

The next day, I decided to go to Carrie's house.I wanted to see her. I parked my car outside her house and contemplated knocking on her door. Few minutes later, I saw her and some guy walking toward her house. He was holding her hand. They look like more of a couple rather than just dating.I felt sick. I started to drive away and thought that she has moved on. I've never felt so much pain, so much anger in me. I wanted to go back and stop them. I don't even want to think about what they are going to do. I can't bear it!

I remembered Alice's blind date. I decided to take advantage of it. Who knows I might get lucky.

The day of the blind date.. I woke up and remembered that today was the anniversary of my partnership with Carrie. I felt so angry at myself for that one mistake. I took my mobile phone and instead of calling her, i sent her a text.

"if it had not been for my stupidity, we would have been 4 years now. I wish you happiness." I pressed send.

I wish you happiness??? what idiot would say that!

At about 5:30pm, I decided to get ready and go to Carrie's. I knew she'd be home from workat this time. I went and knocked on her door. I was glad that she answered. She was wearing a black dress and she looked absolutely stunning.

"You look great! You have a date with your boyfriend?" I said, my heart pounding really loud.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I have a business dinner meeting tonight. Well it's none of your business anyway" Carrie defensively said.

I thought she looks cute being defensive. She wrinkles hernose when she's like that.

"I just wanted to say some things. I know you've moved on. I know you're seeing someone. I just want you to know that i'll always love you and I'm very sorry that I've hurt you.There's no excuse to what I did and I regret that so much. I've lost one thing that matters to me the most.I know there's no way for me to make up for this but i just want you to know that I love you and I always will" I started to tear up. I felt her hand on my face, wiping my tears. I wanted to savour this moment. This is the closest I have been with her.

"hey it's done. We can't undo what happened." Carrie said

"I'm sorry it happened. I just wished you haven't stopped loving me. Because I haven't." I said, taking her hand. Holding it for the last time.

"Sarah.."

"Please don't. I just came to say some things. I have to go" I hurriedly left and drove. I couldn't stop crying. I knew that in my heart that this is the end of it. I glanced at the clock and it was nearly 730. I looked up the mirror and thought I looked like shit. I took my evian spray and freshened up. With a heavy heart, i drove to the restaurant and parked. I was 15 minutes late.

I was approached by a friendly waiter and I told him that I am expecting someone at Table 10. He led me to the table where my date was supposed to be waiting. How odd it was not think about what my date would look like but i didn't care. I could see somebody on the table waiting but the waiter was covering her. I moved a bit and finally saw my date. What is she doing here?

"Carrie?" I said, confused.

"Sarah? What are you doing here?" She looks at me confused.

"I thought you have a business meeting?" I asked.

The waiter came back and served us pink champagne and gave us a card.

It was a card from Alice, congratulating us on our anniversary. I looked at her. I used to be able to read her face and now I couldn't.

"She set us up" Carrie said.

"I know. We don't have to do this. I'll just go." I said, getting ready to leave.

"No please just stay. It's our anniversary and besides, it's been paid for" Carrie said.

I obediently sat down. It was so awkward. None of us saying a word.

"I'm surprised Alice knows our spot" Carrie said, breaking the silence.

I looked around and realised that thiswas indeed our spot. I felt like crying. I didn't want to say anything. I just drank my champagne.

The waiter came back and handed us the menu. After ordering, there was silence again.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Won't your boyfriend get mad at you?" I said

"I don't have a boyfriend. I haven't been seeing anyone" Carrie said.

"But I heard you were dating. I saw you with a guy in front of your house. You were holding hands" I said

"What? I'm not dating anyone! I just went out for dinner with one of my college friends, James. He was here for a visit from New York. " Carrie said.

"Right.." I said, unsure of what to say

"Right!" She said

Finally the food arrived. I've never felt so uneasy. I glance over the table and saw her hand. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand. I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart was pounding really loud. I didn't have the appetite to finish my dinner. I kept glancing at her and i could see she isn't also eating.

"Hey how about we go to the balcony. It's a nice evening out" I said

"Sure" We both stood up and let the waiter know that we're just going to the balcony.

"You look beautiful tonight" I said, looking out the balcony.

"Thanks. You too. You look beautiful as well." She said

"Thanks"

"I miss you, Sarah" Carrie said

I looked at her and saw tears falling down her cheeks. I moved in and wiped her tears. She looked at me, leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I kissed her back. I felt so dizzy with all the emotions coursing through me. She put her arms around me and held me. I let go of the tears I've been holding.

"I'm sorry" I said

"Shh don't." She said "I never stopped loving you Sarah."